Dear Josiah

Posted by Milo Wilson On Friday, January 29, 2010 10 comments
Dear Josiah,

The day you were born, your mommy and daddy were so scared. We were scared that we were never going to have the opportunity to see our precious boy none the less hold you. But the moment you were born our fears turned to joy. Mommy got to hear you cry, little did I know that would be the only time I would ever hear your precious voice. Your poor Daddy had to wait in the hall outside the OR because the doctors would not let him in, but he got to see you first, as an entire team of doctors wheeled you by on the way to the PCICU. We waited for hours and hours to hear if your first, of what would be many, invasive heart procedures was effective and we could have you for another day. When the word finally came that the doctors had success and you were stable, mommy and daddy were overjoyed. We remember the feeling so clearly it was a moment of the most real and authentic worship we had ever known. We were just both so aware at that moment that God, your Creator, had granted us another moment with you and we were so grateful. Those first few days were so scary. We were thrust into a world we had never known existed and it was so overwhelming. But the amazing doctors and nurses in the PCICU were incredibly caring and spent so much time with us teaching us about this whole new world. We learned a new language, a new culture, and a whole new way to live, where you make each moment count because you are not guaranteed your next.

When you were 13 days old you underwent your first open heart surgery. The night before, your surgeon told us that we could delay your surgery if we weren’t prepared to lose you. We told him that we would never be prepared. We were once again so scared, we cried and cried over you. We had to step away from you for a moment and take some time to eat. As your daddy and I sat on a bench outside the hospital we prayed and begged God to protect you. God gave us a sign at that point in the most unlikely of ways. In the bottom of our fast food bag was the most perfect, heart shaped jalapeno popper! Mommy and daddy laughed so hard, we were stunned and truly believe that God gave us an incredibly silly sign just so we would laugh and be at ease. It worked! Because of your surgery the next day the staff let us hold you for the very first time that night.

God saw you through that surgery. You did so well and began amazing the doctors with your strength. Those first couple of weeks turned into a month and it was then after several attempts at breathing on your own that we began to realize just how damaged your lungs were and we settled in for the long haul in the PCICU. One month turned into two months which turned into four and on and on. You had some really great days and some really really bad days and the roller coaster ride continued. It continued for 8 wonderful months until this past Sunday when you were so unexpectedly taken from us. Our hearts are breaking because we miss you so much but Daddy and I have said over and over that we were never guaranteed day one with you and yet we got 249 days with you. 249 days worth of love and memories that we will cherish forever.

You have taught us so much in your all too brief life on this earth. The constant theme through all you have taught us is love. You taught us how to love you even though we never got to hear your voice or feed you a bottle . You taught us how to love your sisters more deeply and never take a moment with them for granted. You taught us how to love each other through pain and suffering. You taught us how to love other people exactly where they’re at, if they are broken and hurting or if they are rejoicing because of victory. You taught us to see the beauty in each moment. We will never forget the first time we saw you smile 10 minutes before doctors wheeled you off for your second open heart surgery. It was like you saved it specifically for that moment to let us know you were going to be okay. We will never forget the day you got your trach, when you were 5 months old, and for the first time in your life mommy and daddy got to see your beautiful face, free from tubes. It brought us to our knees as we thanked God for the most precious cheeks that we could now kiss. We will never forget the 3 days we had you at home and we were a complete family of 5. We had begged God for that opportunity and although it was the craziest 3 days your mommy and daddy have ever experienced, we will cherish those moments forever.

We miss you terribly but we are at peace knowing that you are now free from the tubes and the monitors, the medications and the surgeries. You are now whole with Jesus and are experiencing life to the fullest. Your heart is perfect and your lungs are pristine. We rejoice that we will one day see you again and that we will finally hear your voice calling us, Mommy and Daddy.

You are our precious, sweet, angel boy. You are our son and we love you all the way to heaven - and back.

- Mommy and Daddy

10 comments to Dear Josiah

  1. says:

    Nancy Erin, that was beautiful! You all have been in my thoughts so much this week. Please know that we are continuing to lift you all up in prayer.

  1. says:

    Anonymous Dear Milo and Erin, your strength and Godly ways are so awesome!!!!! You are a stong witness to others. Josiah has touched so many people in so many different ways. We will always love the Wilson family for sharing in this very special time. We love you always, The Mott Family

  1. says:

    Ginger Owens Precious! I hope all of you are doing ok. Just know my prayers continue! Keep Faith!!

  1. says:

    Ginger Owens I hope you feel Josiah's love 'Snowing' down on you!! God Loves You and so do all of Wilson Heart Followers!

  1. says:

    Anonymous What a wonderful letter to your beautiful son, from such a loving Mommy and Daddy. Your posting about Josiah's jorney has surely changed the way I view every moment of every day. Life is such a precious gift. Bless your family. AFA Judy

  1. says:

    Anonymous Milo & Erin these are perfect words for a now perfect boy. My heart is with you four.

    I will pray for incomprehensible peace & joy that cannot be shaken.

    Much love.

    Sonia Torres

  1. says:

    Anonymous Milo and Erin, you guys have no idea what kind of impact your little man made on so many lives! Your letter is perfect and my heart aches and rejoices at the same time for your family. I know Josiah is so happy and free! God bless you and your family!
    Always remembering Josiah,
    Tara Blizard

  1. says:

    Anonymous Milo and Erin, Your family is a beautiful testimony of God's love. I know that even though it was a short time, your lives will be blessed forever. Chris and Megan Thomas

  1. says:

    Anonymous Lord,
    Please comfort and strengthen the Wilson family today as only You can. Thank you for Josiah and for giving him Erin and Milo to be his Mommy and Daddy.

    Love from 7C
    The Bentley's

  1. says:

    Kathy Corless Thank you for sharing your journey with us all. Your faith is amazing. My heart aches with you and also rejoices with you in the HOPE that only our Lord, Jesus Christ can provide. I will continue to pray with you and for you and your family.

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