A little healing

Posted by Erin Wilson On Monday, July 12, 2010 6 comments

I haven’t blogged in a while and when people ask me why I’m not blogging my response usually is, “there is nothing new, nothing worth sharing.” I’ve had a rough past month struggling with the mom and wife I want to be in the middle of grief. Anyway this past week we traveled as a family back to Buffalo where Milo and I both grew up. We came home to see family and it’s been wonderful.


On Sunday Milo and I went to this new church plant in one of the suburbs of Buffalo. It’s a lot like Ridgeview and we wanted to check out what new churches were doing in the Buffalo area. It was great. We met lots of great people who we had lots of connections to. The best part for me though was what I experienced through the worship service. God really spoke to my heart and worked in a healing way. The pastor spoke from this passage in 2 corinthians chapter 3 where Paul talks about how before we turn to Christ there is a veil over our hearts which keeps us from seeing the full glory of God but that when we turn to Christ that veil is removed and our hearts a made aware of the glory of God. Through the pastors sermon I had this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that the veil has been removed from my heart and that I do know and see God’s glory. What a privilege I have been given. I just felt God telling me to rest in His glory, to let His glory surround me and comfort me. I tend to loose sight of His glory and the awesomeness that it is. As the final song played I felt God speak to me again. The song was a song by Hillsong called “Soon” and the words of the chorus are this:

I will be with the One I love

With unveiled face I’ll see Him

There my soul will be satisfied

Soon and very soon


Obviously, this song was talking about heaven being the place where we will completely see God’s glory and where we will be satisfied. I have never been one to really identify with songs that talk about how wonderful it will be to one day be in heaven with God. I think I have a skewed view on longing for heaven. See I really like my life, I love being a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend. I love serving God here on earth. I think it’s a great place and I believe God’s got great things in store for us here on earth. So I’ve never really been one to long for heaven and songs about heaven have never really resonated with me. They obviously do more so now, after Josiah’s death, but this song on Sunday along with the pastors message really spoke to me. I’m going to try and explain this but it might not come out right. You see I’ve been holding on to this thought that despite how wonderful heaven is wouldn’t Josiah be happier here with his mom and dad and beautiful sisters. I can say given his circumstance with all his medical problems he’s better off in heaven where he is not suffering but I’ve never been able to say given him here on earth whole and healthy or him in heaven whole and healthy, that heaven is better. I think of him as a baby who needs his mother and what God told me through this service was, yes Josiah is a baby, but more importantly he is one of God’s created children and as a child of God he is completely satisfied in God’s presence. God allowed me in the service to be reminded of God’s glory and the glimpse of it we get when we follow him here on earth. Then I was able to realize how privileged Josiah is to be able to see the complete glory of God as he sits with Him in heaven. I’ve always felt a little sorry for Josiah, because in my mind wouldn’t he rather be with his mommy and daddy and sisters. I guess that’s part of wishing to still be needed by him. But this past Sunday God showed me just how lucky or privileged Josiah is to be with His creator and that was very healing and freeing for me as his mother.


-A Heart that Holds On

6 comments to A little healing

  1. says:

    Miss Christianna I'm praying for you and your family very much!

  1. says:

    Ginger Owens It's really GREAT to hear from you! GO GOD (as Jen always says)...I am soooo happy for you in that you were able to connect and feel the comfort of Our God...He is soooooo wonderful. Just know my heart still holds on too! I wear my 'broken heart'...aka...Josiah's Heart charm EVERY day! I love my Little Hearts! Again, It's great to hear from you!! Thanks for the blog...God is Good!!!!

  1. says:

    Anonymous I rejoice about your progress in this journey. With my personal grief, I found learning to let joy and grief reside together peacefully in my heart was a major hurdle. I always felt that only one should be there. I will always miss my beloved. Yet there are still many joys God sends to me each day. God is so good to help us each step of the way and to reveal new insights at just the right time. I am delighted with you in your new insight. I am glad to see your blog and am still praying for you. Do keep up the good fight. It really will be worth it. When you get to heaven, hopefully as an old woman, Josiah will be so proud to see his very own Victorious mother and hear her testimony of God's grace and provision. I think he will be so glad you lived in victory instead of defeat as Satan wants. God bless you, Erin.

  1. says:

    DAWN ERIN I REALLY LIKE THIS.GOD'S GLORY IS SO UNIMAGINABLE AT TIMES. YET WE DO KNOW AND HAVE EXPIRENCED HIS GLORY. WE CERTAINLY HAVE AND HAD ONLY SMALL GLIMPSES OF THE FAR GRANDER PITURE THAT AWAITS US ALL IN CHRIST. OUR EARTHLY HEARTS HALF OR WHOLE WOULD BE SO OVERWELMED HERE WITH HIS GLORIFIED PRESENCE. TO JOSIAH ITS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE.

  1. says:

    Stephanie Quintero it's the 24th. Hope ya'll are doing OK! Blessings!

  1. says:

    Melissa My child is here so my words are only speculation, but having faced his mortality nearly every day since I was 3 months pregnant, I do get to taste a bit of that grief. I have had times when I ached for my son to stay here on earth with me and times when I was very ok with him going to the Lord. The way I see it is that as many years may pass for us as we wait to return, Josiah's wait for you will only be moments. In the mean time he gets to watch you share your love for him with the world in ways many other parents never dream of. You reach out to so many who never would have known Josiah if you hadn't had this journey. That is a blessing to you both.

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