These next two are after he woke up. It was amazing to see his entire face. I don't think anyone can understand what it meant to me to see his face with no tubes or tape anywhere. Josiah is 5 months and 5 days old, 162 days in total and this is the first time we have seen his beautiful face. I broke down sobbing when I got to see him. All that kept going through my head was, "Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God." He is beautiful.
Josiah is now paralyzed again (like in the first picture) because about 30 minutes after the 2nd pictures were taken you could tell he was in a lot of pain. Milo and I and an RT had to hold him down until they could get more medication for him. It was awful for us. He needs the increased dosages of Morphine and Ativan and the paralytic. I hate to see him without it, but I hate to see him get that many drugs. It's a no win situation. I think that watching him after surgery this time has been much more difficult for me because Josiah did not need to have these surgeries today to save his life. We kind of had a choice in the matter. Every surgery he's had so far he has needed to save his life, no options, so it's easier to endure. It's harder to watch him be in pain today knowing that had he not had this done today he'd be the same as he was yesterday and not in pain. I know that his surgeries today will improve the quality of his life so I'm trying to stay focused on that as I continue to gaze at his beautiful face.
One step closer to home.
-A Heart that Holds On