Posted by Erin Wilson On Sunday, December 13, 2009 2 comments
On Friday we finally got to take Josiah out of his room, put him in the stroller and take him outside. This is something I've been looking forward to for a long time and something I thought I would be super elated to finally do, but instead I started crying. It was all so overwhelming, so scary and a little sad. There are many days, most in fact, that all that it takes to care for Josiah seems so normal. Then there are moments where it hits me that this is not normal. Putting him in a HUGE double stroller and packing it full of monitors, oxygen tanks, and a ventilator was one of those moments. It hits me that without all this stuff Josiah would not be with us. Praise God that we have these things to help Josiah until he is strong enough on his own, but it is not normal, it is not easy and it at times makes me sad. It is hard at times to see past all of the monitors , wires and tubes to find our precious boy. I have watched the video of Josiah laughing with his daddy over and over this weekend because it makes this all worth while. I watch it and pray for more moments like that. These past few days have been emotionally hard on me. I just want my baby all better. I want him to play and laugh with his sisters, I want him to sit in a high chair at the dinner table with us, I want him to snuggle into my neck because he knows that's a safe place to be. I just want him to be better.