Feelings of Fear

Posted by Erin Wilson On Friday, July 8, 2011 1 comments
On of the things that has changed about my personality since Josiah died is that fear creeps into my life way more than it ever used to. I don't like it because it isn't part of who I was before. It is something that I fight against and am so grateful for my firm foundation and trust in God because that allows me not to be overtaken. It's weird too, because I don't find myself being fearful of events or the potential of bad things happening, I actually fear my emotions.

Here's a big, to be honest with you… Milo and I recently started to try and get pregnant. We started to try over 8 months ago but that only lasted 2 weeks (if that) when I realized I was avoiding Milo and discovered I was really not ready. It was fear that kept me from being ready. So we stopped trying. In the last 8 months I have worked through some things and now feel like I am ready to start trying again. But there is still some fear. Like I said, I'm not really fearful of bad things happening. I am more fearful of my feelings.

The past couple of days I have felt fearful of the emotions that would come with not getting pregnant. I am fearful of not being excited if I do get pregnant. I am fearful of how I may or may not feel about a new baby. I'm fearful of all the emotions that go along with pregnancy.

Fear does not control my life. I am choosing to face it and keep living the life God would have for me. We believe God has given us the green light to go ahead and try to get pregnant again and we are really excited about that. However, that decision doesn't come without fear.

1 comments to Feelings of Fear

  1. says:

    Anonymous Praying for you as the Lord guides you through this. You are such a blessing to me and I thank you for being so honest.

    Love in Christ,
    Tina B.
    Mom to Anna Grace (HRHS)

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